Tag Archives: be

Restore My Joy… Enable Me To Go

“Yet I will Rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of the deer, he enables me to go on the heights.”-  Habakkuk 3:18-19

In October of 2012 I moved from Indiana south east to North Carolina, I left my family and a great group of friends behind. I didn’t fully realize how much those friends really meant to me until I found myself battling loneliness in my little apartment. I missed the deep philosophical conversations about competition that my friend Bobby and I would have over a game of cards. I missed the late night runs to Stake N’ Shake and our off key renditions of the Avett Brother’s song “Shame, which I’m sure we sang a thousand times. I missed the random weekly get togethers at someone’s house. You can’t really recreate that atmosphere of joyful community we had. That longing to just be together with others went with me when I left.  Ever sense those first few weeks here I have been praying for a community of people that I could just worship with and be myself. People who were more interested in being the church rather then doing church.

Over the months I started to get more discouraged and more lonely. I was discouraged by the fact that even in the church that I work at as youth pastor, there wasn’t that community. The doing of Church was all there, but the level of community and openness that I have had before was not. I found that it is much harder to lead when you feel like your running on empty. I am such a people person it hurts when I have to be alone. I think this probably has to do with the fact that I was raised in a house with four sisters and parents who always welcomed in our friends. When you are around people so much like I was growing up sharing life is just part of living and so when I am in a place where I am less able to share life with others it feels like I start to die. It’s as if my souls is fragile and weak outside the context of community.

Slowly, I started to make a few friends through some retreats that I attended as a leader and started to see hope again of community. Hope is a powerful thing, when hope takes root the world starts to seem like such a brighter place than before. So as I got to know these people a little more I started to hang out with a guy also named Caleb, which I find ironic. That was the start of God answering my prayers. I had not given up, but my hope had been fading.

IMG_2740Two weeks ago Caleb ask me if I want to go to a house concert in Greensboro where a local band was playing. I didn’t know the band but that didn’t bother me because concerts are one of my favorite things. So we went to the concert in someones living room where we knew no one. There was maybe 30 people crammed in the front room of the house. The small intimate space made for an awesome setting and the music started playing and I felt my soul coming back to life. Every word of the each song sounded like sweet worship to my ears.

After the show we were leaving and ran into the lead singer in the street. We started talking and just out of the blue he invited me to a monday night worship gathering that he and some friends have every week. I was stunned and excited because in my heart I knew thats what I wanted, really what I needed. A rough week went by and I sorta forgot about it. But then monday hit and I remembered the invite and looked him up and asked him where the gathering would be. He told me but said he wouldn’t be there. I thought about not going because I made the excuse I wouldn’t know anyone but I felt God kept saying you need to go, just do it and trust me. So I went, I drove up the greensboro to a neighborhood I had never been to, to a house I had never seen to hang out with people I have never met and it was exactly what I needed.

When I showed up I knocked on the front door but no body answered, after making sure my directions were right, I knocked again and realized the door was unlocked and cracked a little. I would’t recommend this but I let myself in. I heard some people talking in the back so I yelled hello and walked in. There were two guys there who welcomed me as if I was suppose to be there and just like I was a friend.

Others started showing up about 20 of us were there and we all shared a meal and talked. It felt like home to me. I didn’t know anyone when the night started but I felt like I was suppose to be there. After we ate we all moved into the living room and two of the guys started leading worship. There wasn’t sheet music or hymnals, they just picked a key and started singing and everyone joined in. As we sang I was reminded of my time in High school where we use to have a time of worship every wednesday night, where we would just sing worship songs together, no set order of songs or set time. We would all pray for those who needed prayer and just share together.

As the the group sang “Restore the Joy of my salvation God, be my hope oh Lord”, I was filled with Joy again. Joy that i could just be with people that just wanted to be together and sing praises to the Lord. People who just wanted to share a meal and conversation for no other reason than to be in community. It says in Acts that the early church met together, broke bread, prayed, worshiped and just were the church. The church was the people the community. I realize my faith is much stronger in the context of community. When in a place where I can be myself and just sing with all my heart for the Lord. Where life is shared in open honest community.

As the night closed the group shared praises and prayer requests.  There was both joy and sorrow shared with no hesitation. I told the group that I had been praying for a place, a community where I could just worship with others my age and felt like God had lead me there that night. It’s one of those God things. You look at it after the fact and say wow, I didn’t see that coming but I sure am glad it happened. As I drove away I felt God restoring the joy of my salvation.

When I woke up the next morning, I turned on my Bible app on my phone and read Habakkuk 3:17-19 “Though the fig three does not bud and there are no grapes on the vine, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stall YET I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights”

The Lord has restored my Joy and he is my strength, out of the loneliness and times when nothing seemed to be going right God was still working. He is faithful to restore, even when it doesn’t seem like it in the midst of the drought. He will enable us to God where he leads. I hope to go back again to be with this group of people, to be in community and to go where God leads.

-Caleb Ross Hunter

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Day 26 “A Year of Thoughts”: BE

To be or Not to be

 

Those famous lines of Shakespeare haunt the nurseries, play grounds, and high school halls to the cubicles, kitchens and government buildings where human beings dwell. It is the question that every human being must face. To BE or not to BE? It sounds so simple yet it’s not.

 

While in Brazil I had the opportunity to help teach an english class at a church about 45 minutes away from the international school where I worked. One of the first lessons we went over in that class was the verb “to be”. For those of us who grew up speaking english this lesson would seem very simple and very elementary. Even a small child would understand what it means to be hungry.

 

However, for someone who does not speak english to be is a hard thing to understand. To Be is a very powerful verb. I even have a hard time still explaining it in a way that doesn’t use an example of to be. Many times we put to be with other verbs or nouns to describe who we are or what we are going. But what if we looked at to Be by itself.

 

To be or not to be.

Do we know how to just be?

To be ourselves.

 

Honestly in your soul what does it mean to be.

 

What is it that stands alone “to be”?

 

Do we need other things to define us or is to be to hard for use to understand by itself.

 

When it comes down to it I want to Be who God asked me to be. To understand who God asked me to be I must be. I must look deep within the reaches of my soul, I must throw off the labels, definitions, and feelings to honestly look at who I am. Who I am in the moment if I were to just be.

 

To Be Caleb Ross Hunter.

 

Many times people go through life trying to find the answer to their existence. They try to find just the right definition as to who they are, just the right label to fit under, just the right group to join, just the right family other than their own. But can we accept that God made just the right you to be you. Yet he also has given you the choice to ask the question to be or not to be?

 

Part of life is finding out the be, finding out what it means to be a human being. When God created Adam, God didn’t define Adam, he gave him the job of naming the animals and taking care of the garden but he seemed to let Adam explore, God walked with Adam in the garden. Adam’s job did not make him who he was, Adam was a man. There were not men in the beginning, and the story goes that woman came later. So Adam could simply be and in his being human he was in relationship with God. No label, no definition, just simply a human created by God to be in relationship.

 

So if for the first human being to be means to be in a relationship with God than to not be is going against everything that means to be a human being. When sin entered the world to be was complicated…

To be yourself is to be in relationship…

 

To be a human being is to be in relationship…

 

You know those moments when a conversation stops and you wonder what is going to happen next or someone breaks the silence with “awkward”, really in that moment just be. No awkward, no need for words, just be. Take in the moment and experience it. Sometimes my relationship with God brings me to those moments where I simply need to be.

 

I need to stop talking, stop trying to be anything, stop trying to figure out where I fit in the world and trust God enough to be the person he created me to be. That sounds complicated but really it’s simple when we are in relationship with God, it all makes sense. It’s like learning english, to be is a given for those who speak it or is is? Maybe we should rediscover what it means to be.

 

To Be

 

I wish to be…

 

-Caleb Ross Hunter

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Day 2 “A Year Of Thoughts”: Underneath there is a Soul

 

 

At the core of each and every man there is a Soul. It waits to come alive, bursting forth from underneath the brokenness, now no longer bound by the past! The soul was never meant to be chained to the walls of hopeless hearts, never meant to be locked away in the back of a closet of memories past, never left alone to fend for itself. It’s begging, longing, aching, breaking, dying to come alive and be filled with life.

Who are we that we have tried to kill our souls?

 

WE ARE THE BROKEN.

 

When I woke today there was heaviness upon my heart that I did not understand. The snow on the ground came and went, the hours past and still my heart was heavy with something that I needed to hold, to experience, to let go. I set to the task of clearing off a shelf that has stored my college notes from the past four years and as I did I found myself.

 

I know, I know thats a weird thing to say that I found myself on an old dusty shelf full of note books and little scribbles on pages, but there I found something beautiful. I found the words from the times where I was fighting to survive in my brokenness. Some of the words are hard to read but there, those words were true for the moment. My soul was begging to come alive, begging to be free, begging for me to stop surviving and start thriving. But I had to admit my brokenness, I had to face the pains of my past, I had to let go. I had to forgive myself, I had to be honest about who I was and who I am.

 

In 2005 I wrote these lines in a song,

 

Hello are you there?

Do you want to know what’s going on?

Do you really want to know?

Are you there for me?

Do you want to know what’s going wrong?

Let’s talk please lets talk

 

When hurt and alone

Please be my friend

Listen and see me the way I am

 

Those questions in that first verse seem to have come screaming from my soul “Hello are you there?” At the time of writing this I know that I was fighting through depression, thoughts of suicide, and really dealing with my brokenness in really unhealthy ways. But I found the greatest friend in the midst of that brokenness, it took me a while but I found that I could be honest with God because he had made me, he carried me out of that place of brokenness to a place where my soul could breathe new life.

 

Underneath all my brokenness, depression, sins, and past, my soul was longing to live life to the fullest. I want people to see me for who I am, yeah I have been broken, I am a sinner, but I have a savior who didn’t just save me from eternal death. I have a savior that knows me, a savior that has brought my soul back to life, a savior that has given me reason to live and to live to the fullest.

 

My savior did not just save me for later he saved me for now.

 

He saved me from me so I can be who I was made to be.

 

Underneath I have a soul, it screams, it sings, it dances, it paints in the most brilliant colors with gratitude for each moment that I have to live. The brokenness of the past hurts. It’s not easy to look at. It’s not easy to read about. It’s not easy to remember. It’s not easy to admit. It’s not meant to be easy but you know what? It is Beautiful.

 

How?

 

How is the brokenness of the past beautiful? How can I admit that my sin is now made beautiful? How can I face it and say wow that was a beautiful mess of a time I went through? How?

 

Because the past is not the end! It’s beautiful because it is part of what makes me, me. It’s part of what drives me to want to love the BROKEN. It’s part of who I am and it’s beautiful because it does not define me any more. Don’t have to prove myself to the world, but I do have to be honest with the world about who I am.

 

I am…

 

Beautifully Broken but Wonderfully Healing.

 

 

The former british band Vega4 recorded a song titled “Life is Beautiful” on their album You and Others that seem to capture this idea of how life is beautiful even though we have the monsters staring us in the face, even though we are hurting, even though we barely make it… but when we come alive there is a lot that we can give… Here are the lyrics to that song.

 

Life is beautiful
We love until we die

When you run into my arms,
We steal a perfect moment.
Let the monsters see you smile,
Let them see you smiling.

Do I hold you too tightly?
When will the hurt kick in?

Life is beautiful, but it’s complicated.
We barely make it.
We don’t need to understand,
There are miracles, miracles.

Yeah, life is beautiful.
Our hearts, they beat and break.

When you run away from harm,
Will you run back into my arms,
Like you did when you were young?
Will you come back to me?

I will hold you tightly
When the hurting kicks in.

Life is beautiful, but it’s complicated,
we barely make it.
We don’t need to understand,
There are miracles, miracles.

Stand where you are.
We let all these moments pass us by.

It’s amazing where I’m standing,
There’s a lot that we can give.
This is ours just for a moment.
There’s a lot that we can give.

 

 

Read them again, let them soak in. Life is beautiful. However complicated, broken or a mess we have made it. Life is beautiful.

 

Stop, face your brokenness, face your monsters, smile in their faces, and know that your life can be beautiful.

 

Underneath all that complicated mess there is a soul within you waiting to come alive if you let it.

 

We can not live in the past but we can create the future. It’s amazing where I’m standing, There’s a lot that we can give, this is ours just for a moment, there’s a lot that we can give. Where we are standing is amazing because in every moment we have the opportunity to create, to grow, to be honest, to free our souls.

 

We have a lot to give…

 

We are the Broken but we are becoming the healed, the healing, the love, the lover and we will show the world that Life is beautiful.

 

 

-Caleb Ross Hunter

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,